The world according to Seinfeld

Inner Space

By Faith Harper

No matter what happens in our lives laughter is always the best medicine. Lately, I have been watching Seinfeld DVDs and even though the jokes are nearly twenty years old they still stand up today.

Here are some quotes from Seinfeld:

Larry David(Co-creator and co-writer of  Seinfeld), Jerry Seinfeld, Jason Alexander (as George) , Julia Louis-Dreyfus (as Elaine) and Michael Richards (as Cosmo Kramer) in Seinfeld.

According to most studies people’s number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two, does that sound right? This means the average person, if you go to a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.

Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them is making poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge.

What is a date really, but a job interview that lasts all night? The only difference is that in not many job interviews is there a chance you’ll wind up naked.

You know you are getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It’s like, “see if you can blow this out”.

Men want the same from their underwear that they want from women. A little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

Now they show you how detergents take out blood stains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you you’ve got a T-shirt with a bloodstain problem maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

The Swiss have an interesting army. 500 years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever see that little Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there. Corkscrews, bottle opener. “Come on buddy, let’s go, you get past me, the guy in back of me, he’s got a spoon. Back off, I’ve got the toe clippers right there.

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

Seems to me the basic conflict between men and women, sexually, is that men are like firemen. To men, sex is an emergency and no matter what we are doing we can be ready in two minutes. Women on the other hand, are like fire. They are very exciting, but the conditions have to be exactly right for it to occur.

Someone just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower. I guess there is not a better place to dance than on a slick surface next to a glass door.

 

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Posted by on Jul 20 2011. Filed under Humour. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

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